Hi guys! Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth here! You know, healing factor, cool costume, likes chimichangas? Basically a cooler version of Wolverine?
Just look at that sexy beast.
(I borrowed this pic from ign.com. Don’t tell them I took it.)
Anyway, I paid a visit to some nerd who keeps blogging about all of my bros here in the Marvel comics (and some people in some other place) because, for some reason, he hadn’t written about me yet. But I just noticed one important thing: his posts are boring! So, to save you all from yet another boring post (and to celebrate the many accomplishments I’ve had in the past year or so), I’m taking over, and writing this post in the style everyone’s favorite hero: Me! (duh, who else?) Oh, and to say something about how Americans freak out all the time over drugs or something (because apparently some stuff in the news is as important as me).
This guy seems to smoke a lot, so it must be okay.
I took this pic from huffingtonpost.com. They even have a video over there!
Haven’t you ever been annoyed by that one guy in the group, the one who always starts to panic just as the explosions and gun fights start going on (I’m looking at you Weasel)? Well, most Americans seem to do the same thing, only with less guns and more…well, nothing, actually. Check out this juicy story, where that little girl Justin Bieber got in trouble for having drugs on his bus. Not that big a deal right? Well apparently, fans of Bieber (I’m well aware there’s a word for it, but it’s so evil I’ll never write it) got their collective panties in a bunch over his weed and decided to have a group therapy session online, which makes me wonder: why? Is there a point to freaking out about someone smoking weed? Does the fact that somebody’s smoking weed make you turn into a vicious monster, hellbent on destroying the planet? No? Then why all of this complaining?
Because this kid totally looks like he’d pop pills. Okay fine, I stole this one from superherohype.com. Sue me.
Even though you guys are still new to seeing a ton of drugs (snicker), I’m used to seeing stuff like this back in the Big Apple. Remember on 4/20 when a lot of people were running around because they thought the Hulk came from space and was tearing up the city? Or when somebody got really high and thought a bunch of hammers dropped from the sky, and nobody would stop running around screaming? Oh wait…those actually happened? Huh. My bad. Anyway, here’s when drugs actually happened: back in the 70s, Spidey’s pal Harry Osborn got addicted to pills in a three issue run. This was back when people went nuts over anything involving a human being and the word “drugs” (sound familiar?), so the Comics Code Authority (those lovely people who decide whether or not I’m too violent for kids – shame on them!) tried to ban it from publishing, thinking kids would start acting like drugs are cool (even though the run had an anti-drug message…really makes you wonder, doesn’t it?). Marvel, being awesome, published the run anyway, like a boss. The run later went on to be super popular (although not as popular as me, of course), leading to the CCA changing their rules. DC even tried to get in on the action by making one of their characters a heroin junkie (because apparently turning kids to a life of drugs in a comic book is totally fine).
This happens to be the face of that much bossness.
He was talking to some guys at nytimes.com.
Now, I know some people might be all like, “What’s the point Deadpool? Why all this crazy nonsense about drugs in comics?” Well, my fictional critic, I’ll tell you. Americans are uber sensitive. Keep in mind, that’s just about most everything in general. Want to test it for yourself? Go ahead, try to mention something about skin color, birthplaces, or even Christmas, and see if you don’t get your politically-incorrect head immediately chewed off. Now, this ridiculous sensitivity just so happens to jump straight into somebody’s (even a fictional somebody’s) drug use. My guess? If Bieber hadn’t been considered a role model because of his fame (shudder), then he wouldn’t have had all of this attention and #cutforbieber stuff going on (seriously, that one’s a little depressing).
Before I take my leave, I, Deadpool, have one last message for you crazy Americans: knock it off! Put down your drugs, stop eating those super dangerous Pop Tarts, and stop playing all of those stupid games like Call of Duty 60, or whatever it is you kids play now (actually, while I’m on the subject, remember to buy my game when it comes out. It has guns and me, so you know it’s awesome.). Apparently, all of these things make you people freak out worse than a dog with a stuffed toy, so knock it off. Anyway, I’m heading out the door (quit your crying, there’s plenty of merch you can get with my handsome mug on it). If you guys have stuff for me, like questions, comments, concerns, whatever, you can send them to the nerd running this blog. If you have something delicious, like chimichangas, you can send that directly to me, because mmmm, chimichangas.
Mmmmm. Delicious.
A shout out to nytimes.com for this delicious treat.
Comic Books vs The World 