Christmas Week: Santron is Coming to Town…

Posted: December 22, 2015 in Reviews
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Ah, Christmas is amazing. That magical time of year where any good comic book nerd can sit by a nice fire, drink some hot coca, and read and re-read their favorite classic stories. From Kitty Pryde being attacked by giant Alien insect monsters, to Santa Claus being an all powerful mutant –

…wait a minute, is Santa really all that powerful?…

4291946-santa

This…this doesn’t actually make it any better. Image taken from comicvine.com

Yes, apparently he is. Not only that, but, according to the Marvel wiki, he’s actually the most powerful registered mutant in the universe. He was also a robot at one point. No seriously, Marvel’s 2005 holiday special comic produced a Santa/Ultron hybrid that took all of the Avengers to wipe out. Afterwards, Wolverine cried.

What Happened?

The story, actually part of a mashup of multiple short stories, starts with Spider-Man on his way to a holiday party hosted by Doctor Strange for the Avengers. Meanwhile, a young (slightly insane) woman, Virgie Hanlon, is hard at work in her workshop, trying to create a robotic duplicate of ol’ Saint Nick and his tiny reindeer because it’ll make kids right about Santa being real? Of course, the second she allows the robot duplicate to fly off on its own, it immediately decides to try killing the Avengers. We’re then treated to the sight of Robot Santa slightly annoying a scammer outside the original Avengers mansion before he takes off for Avengers Tower.

After Spider-Woman discovers that a few of the Avengers were fooling her into make out sessions, Robot Santa finally arrives. It doesn’t take long for the robot to cause havoc, forcing Wolverine to slash at him with his adamantium claws. We then get one of the best things ever put into a comic book: a singing Ultron unit wearing a beard.

Santron Introduces Himself

Isn’t this awesome?! Image taken from Marvel Holiday Special #1, via marvel.com

After apparently the shortest battle of all time, Santron is defeated by, of all things, a cookie.

Santron Eats a Cookie, Gets Electrocuted

“It wants to eat a cookie”. Nuff said. Image taken from Marvel Holiday Special #1, via marvel.com

Granted, the “cookie” has a device in it that shorts out Santron with an electromagnetic pulse, but still. It’s a freaking cookie. Something Spider-Man was able to think up, because he heard an echo in the robot’s stomach. You can’t make this stuff up.

Spider-Man's a Freaking Genius

Who comes to that conclusion? Image taken from Marvel Holiday Special #1, via marvel.com

After beating Santron, the heroes go to comfort Virgie, who’s also no longer insane now that her murder-bot is gone. During the celebration, Captain America gives a speech so moving, it drove Wolverine to tears.

Wolverine Crying

Wha…? Image taken from Marvel Holiday Special #1, via marvel.com

So…

Honestly, I’ve never been too big a fan of comic book holiday tie ins, thanks in part to how ridiculously cheesy they turn out to be. But when something this insane rolls around, how could you not love it? Seriously, a bearded Ultron eating a cookie and Wolverine crying? What’s not to love?

Thanks to this one story, I think I may have actually found a new appreciation for these holiday tie ins. Really, isn’t that the greatest gift of all?

COMIC BOOK GRADE: *WARNING – METER BROKEN. STORY TOO AWESOME*

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